Good Grief!

Good grief! What is good about it? Heartbreak, sorrow and a rivers of tears, how is that pleasant? Why would anyone place these two words together? Because it is good for us no matter how small the grief.

According to the dictionary, grief is deep sorrow, especially caused by someone’s death. Psychologists tell us that “grief is the acute pain that accompanies loss. Because it is a reflection of what we love, it can feel all-encompassing. It is not limited to the loss of people.” 

In my simple mind, grief is saying goodbye to something or someone you love.

The experts would tell us that grief is a healthy part of mourning and letting go, and our emotions need an outlet. Stuffing them away is definitely not a wise idea. But, oh how we try. We are like a garden hose that is kinked. Holding back the water is only temporary and at some point, it will burst.

It comes in all sizes

Large grief is easy to identify- the loss of a loved one, a divorce, a serious diagnosis that turns your life upside down. It is the kind that is good to have. (Click here for more on this topic).

Medium grief may be appropriate at times, like the loss of a job, a move, or sending a child off to college. More often, medium grief is met with, “well, that’s just part of life,” or “keep a stiff upper lip,” or “you need to pull yourself up by your bootstraps.” Now that I think about it, there are dozens of sayings suggesting we stuff these emotions away. Buck-up buttercup!

Then comes small grief, and for that, you are on your own, kiddo. Sadly, our world does not have time for that. If grief is a goodbye, then, a goodbye is grief. Goodbye is an opportunity that goes south or an expectation we eagerly awaited that ended in disappointment. Goodbye is losing hope in a relationship or a dream. Don’t stuff it away because it seems silly, insignificant or makes us look weak. Storing or ignoring it leaves us like a kinked hose, dripping, and certain to eventually explode. 

Unkink the hose

If you have said goodbye to something or someone you love, especially this past year, and God knows there have been a lot of goodbye’s, ask the Holy Spirit for help. There is only one way to release the hurt and that is to unkink the hose.

“Dear Holy Spirit, search my heart, deep within the recesses of where I might have hidden grief, especially the kind that is not obvious. Bring it to the forefront, that I may acknowledge the pain, feel the emotions, and let them go into the hands of our Heavenly Father.” (Healing is a process with no time line.)

There is only one place of healing and peace for the body, the mind and the spirit that hurts, and that is in the arms of our Heavenly Father.

Good grief is good, after all.