I am looking for the church Jesus started

An intimate setting, friends, community, accountability, scripture, giving thanks, breaking bread. The early church was simple, I imagine, unencumbered, living out what Jesus asked them to do-love God and one another, strive for personal holiness and go make disciples, an uncomplicated message.

I am looking for the church Jesus started and I can’t seem to find it. Amid the latest scandal in the Catholic Church, there truly are no words, really, just tears. Tears for the pain inflicted on God’s children-my brothers and sister, tears for the injustice-those who seem to escape punishment, at least for now, tears for the broken-hearted, for when a member of the body of Christ hurts, we all hurt.

I am looking for the church Jesus started and I can’t seem to find it. The one that rooted out Judas the betrayer, the one who swiftly dealt with Ananias and Sapphira, who operated in secret, the one that called a sin a sin, “go and sin mo more.”

I am looking for the church Jesus started and I can’t seem to find it. The church has disappointed me and I am grieving. My heart cannot begin to fathom how our Lord must be grieving, his grief, incomprehensible. 

Years ago, my wise mother once said to me, “people will always disappoint. Only the Lord never disappoints.” I am reminded of how the disciples must have felt when they knew the tomb held the body of Jesus, everything still and lifeless.

But Hope does not disappoint. Out of the darkness, comes light. From the ashes, new growth eventually emerges. The still lifeless body in the tomb breathed anew. I chose hope. 

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