Desert Journey – Day 36
Yesterday, I found myself standing in the battlefield dodging the enemies lies. It was a bombardment of self-doubt and discouragement. Fighting through one of these onslaughts is just plain hard. I wonder how Jesus did it, battle what the enemy slung his way.
I am reminded of the movie, The Passion, when the enemy slithered from scene to scene. The barrage of attacks must have been fierce, the weight, all but crushing, for what hung in the balance was the divine act of Salvation.
Lord, I can’t even imagine how you sustained the weight of the enemy’s attacks, the oppression of his insidious remarks. I seem to meltdown under a dose of self-doubt. Prayer, prayer and more prayer is my defense, but the barricades are buckling.
In the distance, I can see the “place of the skull,” Golgotha. I stay close to Jesus. We will soon leave the desert in exchange for Calvary. “My love pours out, bleeds out,” he says. He is willing to do that for me. What am I willing to pour out for him? I must remember that in the midst of a spiritual attack.
I wish we could stop walking, but the path must lead to Calvary. When I first entered the desert, I balked at taking this journey, and now it is days from finishing. I wish to fast-forward to Easter, to the celebration of the Resurrection, but there is no Easter without Good Friday. There is no joy without suffering, and there is no triumph without fighting for a victory. Somehow the meltdown of doubt matters less.
I watched The Passion last night and was just broken at the reminder of Jesus’ suffering because of my sins. While I can’t live in brokenness, I know I needed that reminder. Now, though, I know I can live in freedom because Jesus paid it all and then conquered all!
I have been overwhelmed with discouragement and doubt the past few months. It seems that ministry is often fraught with these challenges, and my prayers have sought so many answers. Discernment that I am putting my energy where God wants me to. Courage and strength to withstand the criticism, pettiness, rumors. I’ve prayed before that God coat my heart with Teflon in the face of attack; now, I wonder if I need to feel this so I have the motivation to move on. Every act of service runs its course; He is constant. Lord, thank you for submitting your life to my salvation.
Although reluctant to enter the desert, you obeyed a request and it is transforming your obedience into unconditional love. What greater comfort to the Lord on the way to Calvalry than to have a companion to walk alongside Him in this way~